The need for approval and success

The need for approval arises from the fear of rejection or criticism. It is a behavior learned over time from earlier childhood as a result of our interactions with the people around us more especially our care givers. The over concern for approval manifests itself in adulthood in one's workplace seeking approval from our bosses, colleagues or in spouses in a family set up. As an adult, one becomes pre-occupied with opinions from others and can easily lead to an obsession to please or over-perform.

Obsession to please others
How does extreme need for approval affect our success? The extreme need for approval results in one over-exerting themselves to earn approval and can easily lead to stress in your life. You will find yourself putting more energy in pleasing others and not in accomplishing your tasks or goals. One can easily deviate from the set goals and get pre-occupied with undefined goals with no clear vision. If you are a parent it is highly recommend not to over demand your children with goals that they have no passion in. Your children may easily become unproductive, withdrawn or rebellious in the process.

Unrealistic Goals
The urge to please others may lead you to follow unrealistic goals. You will find your self living or pursuing other peoples goals instead of yours, the end result is always devastating. No one can live another's life of pursue another's goals and achieve them. The passion and the will power will eventually fade away and the tasks will be left undone. You will feel like a failure and frustrations may come in as a result. On the extreme side, people may lose trust in you as you leave most of your tasks shoddily done.

How to overcome the need for approval
We may have grown up in an environment where we always feed the need to proof ourselves to others in search for a sense of belonging. It is not your fault that you found yourself in such kind of environment as a child, however it is good to know how damaging this can be as an adult. The good news is, all is not lost. You have an opportunity to unlearn this behavior, I am not going to promise you that it is going to be easy, it requires determination but not impossible.. You have to realize the fact that most people are not thinking about you at all and may not notice the torture you are putting yourself through in order to please them. In addition to that, you can never please everyone, we all have our likes and dislikes, your efforts to please people will only result to confusion and burning yourself out. Be yourself, determine your goals and follow them through at your own pace and standards.

Secondly, do not be afraid of criticism and rejection. Some people are going to reject you in life not because you are not good enough, but because you are too good and for some they just have no reason for it. It is good to note that you can not make people like you, people will make their own opinion and a choice just like no one can make you like someone or something that your heart is not into. Take a breath live your own life and be true to yourself.

Last but not least, rejection of your ideas does not mean your rejection. We all have different ways of looking at things. I am over 30 years and until today I do not understand the craze people have over beer, as a matter of fact I find it very repulsive. It is however good to note that I have friends who love beer, they do not understand my dislike for IT, but that has not prevented us from being good friends. We agree to disagree in our opinions and likes. If you are looking for someone who will have the same opinion as yours in all your ideas and have the same likes as your, you are going to look for that person for a lifetime, because such does not exist. You may have similar likes but not in all things and that is the beauty of life, diversity.

****Best Words of Advice****

Live your life and be true to your self

When to let go of a relationship

The wise know when it is time to move on

We value relationships more so the ones we have invested our time, emotions and energy in. We would love these relationships to go on forever. The reality is however different, sometimes we have to let go some relationships in order to move on. Staying in a challenging relationship is brave, but letting go and moving on when necessary makes us stronger and happier.

How and when do we decide that it is time to let go and move on? Below are guidelines on when to let go.

Someone expects you to be who you are not.
Remember you can never be a copy of someone and be happy. Ephesians 20:10 "For we are his workmanship, created in Jesus for his good works which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."
Trying to walk in contrary to what we have been created and called for is a sure way of living in sorrow and misery.

Mistrust.
If you cannot trust someone any more or promises are broken however small with trivial excuses, it is time to let go. Relationships are build on mutual trust, mistrust is poisonous to any relationship.

Your worth is not appreciated
If you find yourself in a relationship where you have to continuously prove your worth in order to earn respect, then my friend it time to walk away. Walk away and never look back.

Your opinion does not matter
How? If your opinion does not matter how are you going to build this relationship? Unless you do not have a care in the world how you would like your relationship to be, which I doubt, you have to let it be. A health relationship is build on sharing and helping each other at all times.

Sacrificing your happiness for theirs 
Once in a while we have to make compromises, but not at the expense of our happiness. Relationships are about sharing, accommodating one another an bringing happiness to each other. If you are not happy, you are in the wrong place. Move on.

Disengaging from your faith and family
Life is all about our faith in God and our family comes second. If you are in a relationships that is disengaging you from these two great values, it is time you re-evaluated what is important in your life. If there are people who can never get tired of who you are and will always accommodate you a all times, it is God and your family. Hold them close unless of course, your family is the unhealthy relationship we are talking about.

No progress.
Good relationships give us energy to grow and become a better us. We are propelled to growth and we have the support we need, however unhealthy relationships drain up our energy. We are continuously pumping more energy to sustain our relationship, consequently our dreams are put on hold. We loose our identity and focus.Furthermore we do not get the support we need to progress, we are continuously put down or our ideas are belittled  to an extent that they never see the light of the day.

**** Best Words of Advice***

The wise know when it is time to move on - Evaline Nyambati

Eating my way to health

Eating well is easy said than done. Being one of my resolutions this year I decided to check my menu and do a little adjustments here and there. Below are a few tips I learnt and would like to share.

Starchy foods.

Most of us think that starchy foods are fattening, on the contrary. Starch is essential in every meal we take. What we should watch out is the amount and always go for whole grain varieties.

Fruits and vegetables

Fruits and vegetables should make the main meal in our menu. Five varieties of vegetables and fruits is recommended for daily intake. Hard? Try salad, easy for one go but spread it throughout the day and have lots of it.

Fish.

More fish into your meal, good for omega-3 essential in heart disease prevention. At least two to three portion in a week. Avoid canned fish if possible, it contains a lot of salt.

Salt, sugar and saturated fats.

Avoid saturated fats at all costs. Salt and sugar should be taken in moderation.

Exercise.

Be active and live healthy. A walk, a stretch a dance can save your life.

Water

This is the source of life. Remember almost 60% of adult body is made up of water. The more the better, 6-8 glasses a day is good. Avoid fizzy drinks. Low fat milk and water is recommended.

Breakfast.

My daily ritual. Never, ever skip breakfast. It is good for your health and helps to keep your weight in check

Smile.

Last but not least. This is mandatory, in your menu.

****Best Words of Advice****

A healthy body is and inspired mind

How to beat Monday Blues

Monday blues can be draining not only for the day, they can also spoil the week ahead. Here are a few tips on how to beat Monday Blues.

Have some fun over the weekend.

The best way to beat Mondays blues is to ensure you have a fantastic weekend. Doing things that you love and sharing it with the people you love makes it even better.

Organize yourself before the weekend

Knowing where you are going to start from on Monday will not only give you easy go when you report to work; it will also give you peace of mind to enjoy your weekend. Finish what you need to on Friday and avoid what needs not to be over carried to Monday.

Get enough sleep on Sunday for an early Monday.

Avoid sleeping late and check in early for work. It will give you amble time to go through mails that may have come in over the weekend and include them in your to do list as per priority.

Have a good breakfast

The worst thing you can do on a Monday morning is to skip your breakfast. If you cannot have a good one at least have a bite. You will need this to boost your positive attitude.

Dress up

Oh yes, from your best outfit, smile on your face and the most positive attitude for the morning enough to carry you for the whole week. Brightly colored outfits do a good job in brightening your mood.

Treat yourself

Treat yourself to some coffee, anything that you really like. A treat for a colleague will make the day even better and start a chain reaction of not only a fruitful day but a great week as well.

                                  *** Best Words of Advice****

Train your mind to see good in everything. Happy Mondays!

New Year's Resolutions

I have always set my new year's resolution as long as I can remember. It is the same old story; write your resolutions down including your long term goals, break them down into smaller goals, plans and steps, cancel them out as you meet each goal and finally do not forget to write down reasons/ challenges for goals not accomplished.

I have religiously followed this routine for many years. Last year I decided to do things slightly different. I decided to include reasons why I was unable to accomplish some of my goals easily within time limit or sometimes before the dateline. One thing was apparent; it was neither the recourses that I had at hand nor the time. I enjoyed working towards meeting these goals; there was an inner motivation as compared to the ones I never met most of which was solely because of procrastination or lack of will power.

When you are setting out your new resolutions, which I know most of us have already done. Align them to what you like most in life, your passion, that way you are more likely to accomplish most if not all of them. "Goals have to be realistic and achievable"

Do not get me wrong, it does not mean that you give up on that degree you have always wanted to take for a long time and have always found a reason not to do it. Maybe the line of study isn’t interesting enough to motivate you. Then change the line of study to the one you know you have passion in. Is it that weight loss regime you have always procrastinated because of the diet? Who said you have to starve yourself to because of that weight, by all means eat the same quantity but change the menu. Throw in more vegetables and fruits and cut down on those carbs. Maybe you are not up for that work out. How about enrolling in a dance class and dance those pounds off. You will kill two birds with one stone, loose your desired weight and add one more skill to your resume.

The bottom line is, you do not have to change your main goal in life. The fact that you have not achieved your goal for quite some time or years now does not mean it is impossible. Change your strategy and approach; make your journey towards your goals and resolutions more enjoyable and fun. You will reach there before you know it.

**** Best words of Advice****

"Do not change your goals, change your strategy"

Learning to love yourself.


I learnt at an earlier age that loving myself is the most imporant thing. As my Grandfather would put it " If you do not love yourself, you do not have love to give others. You are an empty vessel."

I learnt that loving my self meant that I was beautiful, sufficient and unique. Everything about me was great if not glorious. I did not need people to confirm who I was because I may have to wait for a lifetime since many people may never appreciate who I really am.

Loving me meant I had to appreciate people as they came, accept them and learn to live with them without compromising on my values and in what I believed in. It meant standing up for what is right and learning to accept both positive and negative criticism. It meant being strong, accomodative and wise all at the same time.

Loving oneself is the greatest thing that can happen to anyone. You get to learn that what others feel or think matters less to you in relation to how God sees you. He created you in his own image, only you are you. Unique and His own Vessel.


                        ****Best Word of Advise****

"Love your neighbor as you love yourself"