Saturday, 21 May 2016

The need for approval and success

The need for approval arises from the fear of rejection or criticism. It is a behavior learned over time from earlier childhood as a result of our interactions with the people around us more especially our care givers. The over concern for approval manifests itself in adulthood in one's workplace seeking approval from our bosses, colleagues or in spouses in a family set up. As an adult, one becomes pre-occupied with opinions from others and can easily lead to an obsession to please or over-perform.

Obsession to please others
How does extreme need for approval affect our success? The extreme need for approval results in one over-exerting themselves to earn approval and can easily lead to stress in your life. You will find yourself putting more energy in pleasing others and not in accomplishing your tasks or goals. One can easily deviate from the set goals and get pre-occupied with undefined goals with no clear vision. If you are a parent it is highly recommend not to over demand your children with goals that they have no passion in. Your children may easily become unproductive, withdrawn or rebellious in the process.

Unrealistic Goals
The urge to please others may lead you to follow unrealistic goals. You will find your self living or pursuing other peoples goals instead of yours, the end result is always devastating. No one can live another's life of pursue another's goals and achieve them. The passion and the will power will eventually fade away and the tasks will be left undone. You will feel like a failure and frustrations may come in as a result. On the extreme side, people may lose trust in you as you leave most of your tasks shoddily done.

How to overcome the need for approval
We may have grown up in an environment where we always feed the need to proof ourselves to others in search for a sense of belonging. It is not your fault that you found yourself in such kind of environment as a child, however it is good to know how damaging this can be as an adult. The good news is, all is not lost. You have an opportunity to unlearn this behavior, I am not going to promise you that it is going to be easy, it requires determination but not impossible.. You have to realize the fact that most people are not thinking about you at all and may not notice the torture you are putting yourself through in order to please them. In addition to that, you can never please everyone, we all have our likes and dislikes, your efforts to please people will only result to confusion and burning yourself out. Be yourself, determine your goals and follow them through at your own pace and standards.

Secondly, do not be afraid of criticism and rejection. Some people are going to reject you in life not because you are not good enough, but because you are too good and for some they just have no reason for it. It is good to note that you can not make people like you, people will make their own opinion and a choice just like no one can make you like someone or something that your heart is not into. Take a breath live your own life and be true to yourself.

Last but not least, rejection of your ideas does not mean your rejection. We all have different ways of looking at things. I am over 30 years and until today I do not understand the craze people have over beer, as a matter of fact I find it very repulsive. It is however good to note that I have friends who love beer, they do not understand my dislike for IT, but that has not prevented us from being good friends. We agree to disagree in our opinions and likes. If you are looking for someone who will have the same opinion as yours in all your ideas and have the same likes as your, you are going to look for that person for a lifetime, because such does not exist. You may have similar likes but not in all things and that is the beauty of life, diversity.

****Best Words of Advice****
Live your life and be true to your self

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